Terrible 3's?

I am going to start drinking, or doing drugs...I have to if I'm going to get through this horrible stage my child is going through. I dont remember the other two doing it, or maybe they did and I was too drunk to notice? Ha, just kidding, I was never much of a drinker. Maybe it's time to start. Abby cannot go out in public any more...ever. Last week we went to McDonalds to kill some time. I had a cup of tea and a muffin and she played in the playplace...until an elderly man wandered in with a coffee and a newspaper...and a patch over his eye. Miss Abby came running up to him shouting "Argh! I'm a pirate!!!" Today we ate supper at a family restaurant...someone was having a birthday and it wasnt my child. When the staff started to sing to this person who we couldnt even see, my child screamed "No, in 6 more days!". When they didnt stop singing, she started. Apparently they have their own little version of Happy Birthday that did not include living in a zoo or smelling like a monkey...so she let them know, loudly. Then we hit Old Navy...where I am pretty sure we are no longer welcome. She found a ball and a pair of sunglasses and was ready to leave. I took the $14 sunglasses and laid them out of her reach and she had a meltdown ... a major meltdown. I, being the calm, cool, and collected mom that I am, walked away from the screaming, writhing toddler on the floor. I walked away saying "Hmmm, I wonder who owns that unruly child?"